Why Surrogacy?

Surrogacy isn’t for the faint of heart, and many have asked what made us decide to pursue it. To be honest, surrogacy wasn’t even on our minds when we first started trying to conceive. Unfortunately, I have a disease called polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), which in my case, means that I only have periods about 3 or 4 times a year. A regular couple with no issues has a 25% chance of conceiving within the first year, and so you can imagine how difficult it would be for a couple like us to time it right.

We started the journey by seeing a fertility specialist, who started us off on Clomid and Femara, and then moved onto injectible hormones, similar to what they use in IVF. All together, throughout the course of 4 years, we have completed 13 medicated cycles, the last six paired with an IUI. Unfortunately, never once did we see a positive on a pregnancy test, and we knew we’d have to move onto IVF, and hoped that it might be our answer.

When we started IVF in 2016, we were extremely hopeful, especially after my first egg retrieval, when I produced 37 eggs! 10 of those were mature and fertilized normally to day 5, and went to be frozen. Most of them were excellent quality embryos, and we were delighted. Our first cycle, however, ended anti-climatically by resulting in a negative pregnancy test, which was really discouraging. What’s worse is that the next three cycles of IVF that we had all lead to a positive pregnancy test, but would always end in a miscarriage around the 8th week. We lost two sets of twins and a singleton, and it was an extremely dark period in our lives. In addition, because we had three losses in a row, I now had the label of “unexplained recurrent pregnancy loss” to add to my long list of infertility ailments. Our doctor couldn’t find any reason why I was losing them continuously, and suggested surrogacy at our last appointment, which was incredibly disheartening, because I always wanted to have the experience of being pregnant. Everything, from growing a bump to feeling the baby kick, I wanted to have the full experience, but it felt like my dreams of carrying a pregnancy was crushed in a single blow.

For two days after that appointment, we struggled with the idea of surrogacy.  We had never really considered it seriously up to this point, because we thought we would get pregnant eventually through IVF. Now, I had to give up the thought of pregnancy, and it broke my heart even more. But compared to the thought of being childless vs. having our own bio kids, we definitely knew that we wanted to keep pursuing the latter, especially since our embryos were always high quality, and it is literally just a womb that we needed to have our embryos be born. Hence, we began our journey into surrogacy, and to Ukraine!

7 Comments

  • melanie@7

    Sounds really tough! Poor things, you’ve already endured much..
    Here’s our situation in brief. Me – 43 yo. Had/have fibroids in the uterus. (Although fibroids can be removed, they can also grow back as it’s happened to me, you see.) Adding to this my physician told that a pregnancy could be life-threatening for me. Moreover we spent 7 years ttc evidently with no luck. 6 failed IUIs and 1 cancelled ivf cycle due to additional test showing we’ll never do it. Aged eggs of a too poor quality to go on with. – Those were the reasons of going straight to surrogacy with donor egg.

  • lindcey hawks

    Your story made me cry as it reminded me the toughness of my own..
    This was the first thing we got to know when actually ran into surrogacy. ~ Surrogacy is considered a viable option if:
    You still have your ovaries to provide eggs but have had your uterus removed.
    You have a medical condition that puts your health at risk if you were to become pregnant (polycystic ovary syndrome, autoimmune diseases, being over 35).
    You and your partner have suffered repeated IVF implantation failures.
    So here I’m sharing my story which led me to surrogacy, though we were successful with baby #1 through ivf.
    Me (Lindcey): 36 – irregular cycles, inconsistent O, PCOS, IR, empty follicles, HSG clear 
    DH: 38 – normal
    Together since 11/2009 
    Married 10/2010
    TTC #1 since 2/2011
    IVF #1: – one beautiful A grade embie transferred.
    Beta #1: 158 ’14dpo
    Beta #2: 254 ’16dpo
    1st scan ‘6w – saw a beautiful heartbeat!
    DD born 4lbs 1oz, 17″ long (36w6d)
    TTC #2 since 7/2014
    11dpo – Terminated. Ectopic. 5w6d.
    IVF #2 – 1 beautiful B grade embie – I miscarried.
    IVF#3 & #4 – 2 dreadful mcs in a raw. Felt completely devastated. Dr didn’t feel at comfort with pushing me onto another ivf round. He told for some reason my body rejects my tiny bean at one and the same term of 9 wks. He was afraid the next shot will end with the same outcome..So advised looking onto surrogacy..
    This decision was never easy. It took us both time to get there. As it looked absolutely strange: we were parenting our ivf DD, but couldn’t make baby#2 safe for unknown reason..I spent so many nights crying feeling I’m out of the game..Now I need another woman to carry my baby for me..

  • amaluis

    OMG, it pains much to see so many of us nowadays struggling for little ones.. Every month TTC for me was like quick sand. i tried, i waited, i got my hopes up.. then started my cycle over, and continued to fall more and more into losing hope..All I knew was time could only tell. I expected that if it was meant to happen, it would happen one way or another. But didn’t think we’d have to go through surrogacy…Seems I always tried to wait for the right time which I thought was yrs ago. But for some reason then when I was ready to have a baby, my body said otherwise! Apps were just making me frustrated!! And peeing on stick after stick after stick to see if I was ovulating just to pee on more sticks to see that it was negative and not pregnant that month!! me = 41. endometriosis & PCOS and all the possible things. ttc since 10/2013. 1st IUI with just trigger — BFN. 2nd IUI with clomid no trigger – same result. IVF#1: retrieved 8 mature, 6 fertilzed. Fresh cycle- transfer 1 grade A embryo/ hatched. On progesterone/ estradiol. Miscarried. IVF#2-IVF#6 – similar results. All miscarriages. All bfps on dollar store cheapie which never developed into a healthy pregnancy. Each time beta rising then extremelly falling down. We both couldn’t endure more, so moved forward to surrogacy. Chose Ukraine mainly for affordable prices and kept things in secret for as long as we both could..Up to the 12 wks of the surrogate’s pregnancy..I believe everyone will understand..

  • mileK

    OMG, it pains much to see so many of us nowadays struggling for little ones.. Every month TTC for me was like quick sand. i tried, i waited, i got my hopes up.. then started my cycle over, and continued to fall more and more into losing hope..All I knew was time could only tell. I expected that if it was meant to happen, it would happen one way or another. But didn’t think we’d have to go through surrogacy…Seems I always tried to wait for the right time which I thought was yrs ago. But for some reason then when I was ready to have a baby, my body said otherwise! Apps were just making me frustrated!! And peeing on stick after stick after stick to see if I was ovulating just to pee on more sticks to see that it was negative and not pregnant that month!! me = 41. endometriosis & PCOS and all the possible things. ttc since 10/2013. 1st IUI with just trigger — BFN. 2nd IUI with clomid no trigger – same result. IVF#1: retrieved 8 mature, 6 fertilzed. Fresh cycle- transfer 1 grade A embryo/ hatched. On progesterone/ estradiol. Miscarried. IVF#2-IVF#6 – similar results. All miscarriages. All bfps on dollar store cheapie which never developed into a healthy pregnancy. Each time beta rising then extremelly falling down. We both couldn’t endure more, so moved forward to surrogacy. Chose Ukraine mainly for affordable prices and kept things in secret for as long as we both could..Up to the 12 wks of the surrogate’s pregnancy..I believe everyone will understand..

  • MillieG

    I’m pleased I’ve found your blog. Thank you for time taken on sharing all those things with us. Here’s some of my background. Every month TTC for me was like quick sand. i tried, i waited, i got my hopes up.. then started my cycle over, and continued to fall more and more into losing hope..All I knew was time could only tell. I expected that if it was meant to happen, it would happen one way or another. But didn’t think we’d have to go through surrogacy…Seems I always tried to wait for the right time which I thought was yrs ago. But for some reason then when I was ready to have a baby, my body said otherwise! Apps were just making me frustrated!! And peeing on stick after stick after stick to see if I was ovulating just to pee on more sticks to see that it was negative and not pregnant that month!! me = 41. endometriosis & PCOS and all the possible things. ttc since 10/2013. 1st IUI with just trigger — BFN. 2nd IUI with clomid no trigger – same result. IVF#1: retrieved 8 mature, 6 fertilzed. Fresh cycle- transfer 1 grade A embryo/ hatched. On progesterone/ estradiol. Miscarried. IVF#2-IVF#6 – similar results. All miscarriages. All bfps on dollar store cheapie which never developed into a healthy pregnancy. Each time beta rising then extremelly falling down. We both couldn’t endure more, so moved forward to surrogacy. Chose Ukraine mainly for affordable prices and kept things in secret for as long as we both could..Up to the 12 wks of the surrogate’s pregnancy..I believe everyone will understand. Thank you for this awesome resource of information!

  • Jercey

    I’m pleased I’ve found your blog. Thank you for time taken on sharing all those things with us. Here’s some of my background. Every month TTC for me was like quick sand. i tried, i waited, i got my hopes up.. then started my cycle over, and continued to fall more and more into losing hope..All I knew was time could only tell. I expected that if it was meant to happen, it would happen one way or another. But didn’t think we’d have to go through surrogacy…Seems I always tried to wait for the right time which I thought was yrs ago. But for some reason then when I was ready to have a baby, my body said otherwise! Apps were just making me frustrated!! And peeing on stick after stick after stick to see if I was ovulating just to pee on more sticks to see that it was negative and not pregnant that month!! me = 41. endometriosis & PCOS and all the possible things. ttc since 10/2013. 1st IUI with just trigger — BFN. 2nd IUI with clomid no trigger – same result. IVF#1: retrieved 8 mature, 6 fertilzed. Fresh cycle- transfer 1 grade A embryo/ hatched. On progesterone/ estradiol. Miscarried. IVF#2-IVF#6 – similar results. All miscarriages. All bfps on dollar store cheapie which never developed into a healthy pregnancy. Each time beta rising then extremelly falling down. We both couldn’t endure more, so moved forward to surrogacy. Chose Ukraine mainly for affordable prices and kept things in secret for as long as we both could..Up to the 12 wks of the surrogate’s pregnancy..I believe everyone will understand. Thank you for this awesome resource of information!

  • Alexia

    Thank you for sharing your story. So vivid, it’s definitely was the hard way to pass..and end up with surrogacy eventually..I’m sorry people face infertility or ttc troubles. No one deserves this. Such a horrible pain which makes every day a struggle, not joyful, not effective. I believe all the above posters know exactly how it feels. With all the modern technologies we have various opions nowadays which are the blessing for the infertile. We can read about implanted wombs to those who’d lost or were borth without it. Or frozen ovaries, which might be further as well implaned to some infertile woman, and who’s expected to produce her own eggs by means of it. We can read the articles saying sperms may be grown artificially in a lab…and so many others, – we do get inspired there IS the way out for us grieving..We get inspired and decide to try faith with the first ivf shots..but when nothing happens, we feel at a complete loss..we begin to realize too little things depend on us..and that the infertility can’t be ruled over even with all those modern methods/pills/injectibles/monitorying etc..This is some of my background. I’m glad to share with you and have you as the true listeners who understand and care..I was a young girl of 24 yrs old when the whole story strated. A car accident left me without my right fallopian tube. My belly got damaged dramatically, besides bones broken in my right leg..and overall panic..I was preparing for my wedding with the man who was everything for me..when this happened to me..My Mr Right left me alone with my gief. it took me much time to overcome my physical injuries and depression. I did fid huge relief in my job. Career meant everything for me then. unless I met my husband. I was 32. Together we started planning having kids. we ttc actively for 2+ yrs but nothing happened..Dr reminded me of my only one tube left after the accident. So it was going to be twice harder to catch the ”right moment”. I understood this but when 2 yrs passed since we started ttc with no baby I realized it was not enough just trying..We seeked help through ivf shots with own egg with no luck. My left ovary wa still good at producing good quality eggs. But my uterus couldn’t hold the pregnancies. I miscarried early 5 times in a row. This made me the true candidate for surrogacy. We live in the UK. Surrogacy is allowed here, but it’s not well regulated by law, and might cause serious complications after baby sees this world. In the UK the surrogate is a legal mom of the baby born. She can change her mind and keep the baby. Even if the baby has different genes!! which is rediculous to me. Moreover, the law clearly states that advertisements of women offering themselves as potential ”wombs for rent” or published by commissioning parents offering women the chance to become their surrogate mother are forbidden. Doing so is considered a criminal offence! Moreover, surrogacy contracts are not enforced by law, even if you have signed deal with your surrogate. However, the good news is that the British law allows parenthood to be transferred through a parental order or by adopting the child born as a result, depending on the case.
    The marital status of the surrogate also matters. These are the two possible scenarios: 1. Married or in a civil relationship. Her husband will be considered the child’s legal father as well, unless the legal rights are transferred to someone else through a parental order or adoption, or if he has not given his permission to his wife or civil partner. 2. Unmarried or not in a civil relationship. The child born as a result will have no legal father or second parent. All this makes the process really long and complicated one there! So we looked into other options. Ukraine was one of those on the list, BioTexCom in particular.

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