Why Surrogacy?

Surrogacy isn’t for the faint of heart, and many have asked what made us decide to pursue it. To be honest, surrogacy wasn’t even on our minds when we first started trying to conceive. Unfortunately, I have a disease called polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), which in my case, means that I only have periods about 3 or 4 times a year. A regular couple with no issues has a 25% chance of conceiving within the first year, and so you can imagine how difficult it would be for a couple like us to time it right.

We started the journey by seeing a fertility specialist, who started us off on Clomid and Femara, and then moved onto injectible hormones, similar to what they use in IVF. All together, throughout the course of 4 years, we have completed 13 medicated cycles, the last six paired with an IUI. Unfortunately, never once did we see a positive on a pregnancy test, and we knew we’d have to move onto IVF, and hoped that it might be our answer.

When we started IVF in 2016, we were extremely hopeful, especially after my first egg retrieval, when I produced 37 eggs! 10 of those were mature and fertilized normally to day 5, and went to be frozen. Most of them were excellent quality embryos, and we were delighted. Our first cycle, however, ended anti-climatically by resulting in a negative pregnancy test, which was really discouraging. What’s worse is that the next three cycles of IVF that we had all lead to a positive pregnancy test, but would always end in a miscarriage around the 8th week. We lost two sets of twins and a singleton, and it was an extremely dark period in our lives. In addition, because we had three losses in a row, I now had the label of “unexplained recurrent pregnancy loss” to add to my long list of infertility ailments. Our doctor couldn’t find any reason why I was losing them continuously, and suggested surrogacy at our last appointment, which was incredibly disheartening, because I always wanted to have the experience of being pregnant. Everything, from growing a bump to feeling the baby kick, I wanted to have the full experience, but it felt like my dreams of carrying a pregnancy was crushed in a single blow.

For two days after that appointment, we struggled with the idea of surrogacy.  We had never really considered it seriously up to this point, because we thought we would get pregnant eventually through IVF. Now, I had to give up the thought of pregnancy, and it broke my heart even more. But compared to the thought of being childless vs. having our own bio kids, we definitely knew that we wanted to keep pursuing the latter, especially since our embryos were always high quality, and it is literally just a womb that we needed to have our embryos be born. Hence, we began our journey into surrogacy, and to Ukraine!


  • melanie@7

    Sounds really tough! Poor things, you’ve already endured much..
    Here’s our situation in brief. Me – 43 yo. Had/have fibroids in the uterus. (Although fibroids can be removed, they can also grow back as it’s happened to me, you see.) Adding to this my physician told that a pregnancy could be life-threatening for me. Moreover we spent 7 years ttc evidently with no luck. 6 failed IUIs and 1 cancelled ivf cycle due to additional test showing we’ll never do it. Aged eggs of a too poor quality to go on with. – Those were the reasons of going straight to surrogacy with donor egg.

  • lindcey hawks

    Your story made me cry as it reminded me the toughness of my own..
    This was the first thing we got to know when actually ran into surrogacy. ~ Surrogacy is considered a viable option if:
    You still have your ovaries to provide eggs but have had your uterus removed.
    You have a medical condition that puts your health at risk if you were to become pregnant (polycystic ovary syndrome, autoimmune diseases, being over 35).
    You and your partner have suffered repeated IVF implantation failures.
    So here I’m sharing my story which led me to surrogacy, though we were successful with baby #1 through ivf.
    Me (Lindcey): 36 Рirregular cycles, inconsistent O, PCOS, IR, empty follicles, HSG clear 
    DH: 38 – normal
    Together since 11/2009 
    Married 10/2010
    TTC #1 since 2/2011
    IVF #1: – one beautiful A grade embie transferred.
    Beta #1: 158 ’14dpo
    Beta #2: 254 ’16dpo
    1st scan ‘6w – saw a beautiful heartbeat!
    DD born 4lbs 1oz, 17″ long (36w6d)
    TTC #2 since 7/2014
    11dpo – Terminated. Ectopic. 5w6d.
    IVF #2 – 1 beautiful B grade embie – I miscarried.
    IVF#3 & #4 – 2 dreadful mcs in a raw. Felt completely devastated. Dr didn’t feel at comfort with pushing me onto another ivf round. He told for some reason my body rejects my tiny bean at one and the same term of 9 wks. He was afraid the next shot will end with the same outcome..So advised looking onto surrogacy..
    This decision was never easy. It took us both time to get there. As it looked absolutely strange: we were parenting our ivf DD, but couldn’t make baby#2 safe for unknown reason..I spent so many nights crying feeling I’m out of the game..Now I need another woman to carry my baby for me..

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