Meeting our Surrogate

As I got ready for bed Friday night, it occurred to me that I might have already met our surrogate, as there were a couple of Ukranian women staying the night next door, and the thought of it made me nervous! I knew that this opportunity was precious, as the usual circumstances of meeting our surrogate happens only after the 12th week, and clearance of the first trimester. However, since OHSS landed me there, almost providentially, it seems, I gingerly started to write a short letter that I would have our case manager Anna translate to her once we met in person. As I started to type out my thoughts, I started to tear up uncontrollably, to my surprise – I knew that I would be a mess when I met her in person, but didn’t think I would start the waterworks while writing a letter. Well, you are chock-full of hormones, I thought to myself, and starting having a strange craving for potatoes.

I tossed and turned as per usual until 6am, even though I had even gotten a shot for my insomnia! I requested it from the nurse on Friday night using my handy Google Translate, and she gave me the shot around 930pm. Then, she checked in on me every hour after that, and each time I was bright awake, nowhere close to sleeping. I mumbled an apology and told her not to worry around 1130pm, because I knew it was just not going to happen. I thought about asking for another shot, but then I didn’t want to be passed out and miss meeting our surrogate, who was supposed to arrive at 930am, and so I just went with it.

Around 630am, the nurse came in and gave me all of my IV’s and meds and shots, and I hung around to see whether I could catch a glimpse. Feeling like an all-out surrogate stalker, around 9am I went into the other room, which was filled with 6 other girls this morning – and I realized that the two other girls from the previous nights must have been egg donors, not surrogates. My excuse to go into the room was to get my leftovers from the fridge, and as I walked by, one of the girls was signing our surrogate agreement, which had our names on it! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I tried not to stare and continued to nonchalantly grab my potatoes and walked back to my room with a short little glimpse at the woman. She was a tiny little thing, with platinum blonde hair, around 5ft and 100lbs tops. At this point, I was so nervous after seeing her, nothing was going to go down this piehole, and I waited nervously on my cot for what seemed like hours. Soon, the hours lost during the night caught me snoozing at 8am, and out of my paranoia, I set an alarm on my phone for 915am, just in case I wouldn’t wake up in time. However, who was I kidding!??! I did doze off, but even in my sleep, I was stressed about meeting the surrogate, and woke myself up to find that only 15 minutes or so had passed.

930am rolled by, with texts from K saying that he was trying to hitch a ride to the clinic but was a bit behind, which was unfortunate for him, as there rolled in Anna with our surrogate, Yuliya! I knew that this meeting would be awkward, but it didn’t help that I immediately started to tear up and had the ugly cry face on, greeting her and giving her a hug, and handing my phone over to Anna to translate. Here is the short letter that I had Anna translate:

To our lovely surrogate,

We have been trying to have children for 5 years, and have never been successful through countless infertility treatments and multiple miscarriages. Truly, we were at a loss as to what to do, and felt that our dreams of becoming parents were slipping away from us day by day. But because of you, today we have hope, and words cannot express our gratitude for your willingness to do this for us. Especially for me, as a woman that is unable to carry a full-term pregnancy, the shame has been unbearable – but today, I feel that you have redeemed me! Please do not feel pressure to perform or be afraid of disappointing us – we know anything can happen and it will never be your fault. But regardless, thank you from the bottom of our hearts for trying.

As Anna started to translate, I started to straight up sob, and soon both Anna and Yuliya’s eyes were all streaming down with tears. I was so embarrassed but not at the same time, the feeling was something else! Yuliya said that she would do her best and that she is happy that she could help me. I asked her why she was doing surrogacy, and she said in addition of helping others, that she wanted to help out her family, as they were struggling. She told me about her five year-old son Atum, whom she loves to death, and I asked her how old she was, as she looked so young – and she told me she is the ripe age of 20 years-old! I was blown away – I couldn’t believe it! I asked her if she wanted to be part of the future child/ren’s life if things went well, and she said she would love it, which was great, because I had hoped for a surrogate who wouldn’t want to be too detached about the whole process. After chatting a bit more, we sat our goodbyes and I wished her luck on the embryo transfer – which would be putting back our three best blastocysts. At this point, we still hadn’t received an embryo grading report, but figured that it would be in their best interest to put in the best three. So our official two week wait has started, and we should find out around August 5ish whether we are pregnant!

Not soon after, K texted that he was here and I joined him to retell the latest happenings. He was sorry to miss our surrogate, but at the same time, I think he would be more comfortable meeting her once the first trimester is over, which I can understand. I told him that I was thinking that since her uterus has 17 years on mine, that it should be a significant advantage, but wondered if her small frame would be able to carry multiples, as we’re really hoping for boy/girl twins! When Anna joined us a bit later before seeing our doctor for my final checkup, I asked her this, and she confidently reassured me that all would be well, as someone of similar stature had just given birth to twins the night before! She was tiny everywhere, but all belly, Anna shared, and so we felt at peace. Anna also told me that Yuliya had given her contact info to her, so I could send her anything at any time, and she would translate it for me and send it to Yuliya. She sweetly also told me to never give up – that although I am 37 going on 67, that they actually had a 70 year-old woman who just had their embryo transfer done with the surrogate last week. I was like, EXCUSE ME!? So you mean that when the baby is in his twenties, she will be in his 90’s? She nodded her head as K and I stared at each other in disbelief. Anna continued that this woman had a child 5 years ago, but wanted another one, so just went for it. Can you believe that!? So apparently, it’s never too late to hope.

One last look at the ultrasound showed that my swelling had receded significantly, and I was feeling a lot better, so we got the okay to head back to the hotel. I was overjoyed! I had missed it while I was gone for those 3 days, and it was good to be back. We are leaving next Tuesday, so we decided to just relax that last few days and have fun.

4 Comments

  • Amanda

    To give a new life. What can be more beautiful? You are on the right lines! Good luck!

  • lindcey hawks

    We met our surrogate at the 6 wks scan. She was a young woman of 28. She had a 4 year old daughter on her own. Very attractive, with long failr hair and beautiful smile. We were lucky she could speak English. Nina told us to call her any time we wanted as she knew how important it was for us to be involved more into the process. From that day we knew every detail about our baby developing. I mean how Nina was feeling every other week. Her first message saying she felt a kick was priceless. We’re still keeping in touch with her. Hope this never changes.

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